Firstly, this essay needs an introduction. Although the topic asks us to show the 2 arguments the author used to support his case, it is still a little bit strange for an essay to come without an introduction. Moreover, there should be a thesis statement along with the introduction to show the readers what is going to be talked about.
Secondly, Hongchuan caught exactly the 2 arguments which shown in the essay. Using a single paragraph for each argument, he uses the topic sentence in each paragraph, which makes this essay better structured and helps readers to follow him.
Thirdly, he added a lot of arguments in this essay to support the necessity of an integrated approach. This shows his wide range of knowledge. However, I think he needs to add some references along with these additional arguments. What’s more, like the tutor said, this essay is to show the 2 arguments used by the author in the essay “a force to fight global warming “rather than to talk about the importance of an integrated approach for the issue; so I think Hongchuan should emphasize more on the arguments given in the essay.
Generally speaking, Hongchuan’s essay is quite a good essay although there still needs some improvement. I believe the final draft will be an amazing essay.
Thank you for your kind advice.
ReplyDeleteI will try my best to do the final draft.
In deed, there are some improvements can be made such as quoting some supporting details from the article.
----Hongchuan
Above is POST 3!!!!
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